Saturday, 25 August 2012

RE: Peace, Perfect Peace

As I have finished my studies for the year I no longer feel the 'impending doom' pressure and hence have no need for procrastination... In saying this, my journey now is one of self assurance and discovery - not in the middle-class cheesy 'I'm finding myself' way, I know where I am, I'm here. What I seek is much bigger than myself, it is as big as humanity as a whole. What I want to find (and have been successful already) are life lessons, to share, putting my own bit in about my personal experiences as well.
   One of my friends Sophia has started a blog and upon reading her entry 'Sincerely Sophia: Dear Peace, Perfect Peace' I was inspired. It reminds me of a familiar feeling I have had over my short life so far and also of a poem I wrote a few years ago. When I started reading the post I totally agreed with everything she was saying - talking about the thrill of the chase in life, and the restlessness which can come once said goal is reached, be it to a romantic, educational, personal or professional end.
   A passion of mine, where my 'thrill of the chase' is categorised, is in passion itself. I am a passionate person. I love music. I love art. I love literature. I love being right. I love making others feel good. I love others making me feel good. I love people. There is nothing wrong with any of these things. I enjoy accomplishing something, fixing a problem or solving a puzzle. But what happens when it is got, fixed, solved? Do we take it and shove it to the side, move on to the next thing? Do we grumble at how easy it was and how fast it went, even whilst we had been trying in the first place we were frustrated at how hard it made us work? A lot of the time, yes, we do.
   Over these past 11 months - yes, it HAS almost been that long - I have learned to appreciate everything. The dreaming, hoping, praying, planning, starting, failing, trying again.. This is what most of our lives will consist of; working 9-5, 5/7 to get something to do something else, and it can be thrilling, challenging, fulfilling. But when something ends because it is finished, it is beautiful. God rested on the seventh day, looked at what He had done, and saw it was very good. Shouldn't we take the time to do the same? Even when the time for something comes to an end and we think it wasn't time because it wasn't perfect, we weren't finished, it was not complete; think of what you are actually left with, and be thankful for that.
   I am trying to cover such a vast array of subjects by saying 'something', as I think so many can apply in this situation. I think about school projects which I remember working away to complete into the small hours of the morning, handing them in not quite finished but I know I had tried my best. I think about holidays which are always more exciting to look forward to but I am left with wonderful memories to look back on when they are over. I think about relationships which didn't work out, but see how we each grew from them for the future. I think about those who's time was cut short on this earth and marvel at the works they did when they were here. It is not always up to us to decide when something starts or finishes. We are made in God's image so we have a natural urge to want to create and control, but this also means we are made to appreciate the perfect peace, the calm after the storm, so we need to let ourselves do so.

   Since my Mother passed away last September I have been in a kind of limbo where I have tried to figure out what should happen next. I have no answer for you there, nor for myself. The only thing I can think of to do is to keep going - whatever that means. I did not decide to write a book or this blog, it just kind of happened and it gave me an escape and a way to think about things, so I went with it. 
   I am realising now that I immediately started looking ahead, I didn't give myself time to appreciate what had been. I don't know the whole of my Mother's life story, I don't know what her favourite book was. I don't know what hopes and dreams she had growing up, I don't know what her bucket list consisted of... But I do know who she was, what she did and how she loved, and they are the most important things. I will find out everything as time goes on, I will give myself time to be sad in missing her, and I will make the time to reminisce with my family and friends about her for the rest of my life.
   With today's advanced technology and our familiarity with instant gratification the idea of 'meditation' can seem like such an effort, and for what? In reality, if we don't give ourselves time to process what has been we can't possibly be ready to indulge into new challenges because we wouldn't have really learned anything.
   So... give yourself a break -have a Kitkat, or a Snickers or Dairy Milk, whatever. Think about what you have accomplished in your life, be proud of what you can be, and learn from that which you would change. Remember, appreciate and enjoy; catch a glimpse of that perfect peace which will help keep you afloat when all around you feels chaotic. We can only ever do our best, but we must always make sure that it is our best. 

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