As many of you already know I have been a wee bit busy as of late. I have finished university and will be graduating with 2:1 Hons of an English and Film Studies MA degree!
I also have been planning and organising and working away for what turned out to be a most wonderful day celebrating my union with the love of my life, Scott. I have had so many learning curves and new experiences which has deepened many of my understandings of the world in which we live.
I have experienced so much kindness, grace, and love that only further convinces me that we have a God who is always good. It has not been easy, but it has been so worth it.
Scott and I got back from a wee getaway on Sunday and for the past couple of days (and more to come) we are settling into our new flat. I have way too much stuff...
This morning a thought came to me, as sometimes they do, and I feel it is worth sharing. Even having only being married for a week I feel that I understand things that I didn't before. For example, I totally understand why Christ used marriage as a metaphor for His Church, and also how 'in the beginning' was the Father, Son and Spirit as one. I confident that these understandings will be enriched with time and I am so excited about it.
These new wonderful concepts led me to think about some of my past thought and understandings, namely that of fear.
Going into marriage was scary. Leaving my job in Dundee with my wonderful colleagues (and friends) was scary. The thought of living with messy boy for the rest of my life is, indeed, scary. A new life, the unknown, is scary. It is not a surprise that I have been overly anxious about everything this year, mixed with feelings of excitement, exhaustion, and exhilaration at the momentum of events. Yet I recognise this anxiety as fear, and remember that as Christians we are called not to be ruled by fear but by faith, and above all to hope in His promises.
So fear and hope are the real rulers, in a sense, not merely anxiety or wishes as is commonly referred to. This got me to thinking about my actions and whether I could bring myself to own up to what I thought fuelled these actions - fear or hope.
Specifically my train of thought went onto my most 'frequent' sin, if that makes sense, and I wrote this...
Many sins committed against each other are in lieu of being afraid of each other, the situation, or ourselves. Growing up and learning that one must not covet a neighbour's XYZ made sense as that seemed to me to be an anti-materialist/pro-eternal-life-ist lesson to learn that basically said 'nothing physical is worth it'. But I have experienced jealousy, and I do struggle with it often, keeping jealous thoughts (mainly reactional) at bay. I hadn't considered that wanting to BE someone else, or be TREATED like someone else is actually emotional jealousy. It is me being discontent with my present situation, praise, or human affection, and craving that I be in a 'better' situation. I haven't quite yet learned the art of being content in any and every situation. But I'm working on it. I have realised that if I believe that materialism is nothing compared to God's unearthly awesome glory then I must be convicted that emotional discontent is irrelevant if I am truly aware of God's adoration and comfort.
As humans I believe it is natural to look inwards, putting ourselves at the centre of our lives. Through even just a week of marriage I understand that close relationships - even human to human - are impossible if each party does not constantly remember that they are not the only one in the union. Of course, then, how can we expect to have a good relationship with God if we are constantly wishing for better circumstances? We are disconcerting ourselves with God's intention for us and his innumerable blessings of we are consistently dissatisfied with our lives. We need to get over ourselves, and then get under God's authority.
I am ever so excited to begin a new life as one with Scott, and it makes me joyful to remember that it is also a life united with God as we made covanents with Him also.
I promised Scott that I would strive to see him as God sees him, in the light of His everlasting love. And I am much aware that I need to do the same with our relationship in marriage. Our life is not our own, please pray for us that we will continuously yeild to His will.
Mrs Shelly Marie Galloway