Dread and Delight

This time I really don't know if anyone out there is reading anything on here, I know I haven't for the past 10 months. 

So much has happened, as always. I've learned so much, as per usual - but I've only just begun to understand that this will never change. And I'm super excited because of it.

I have many ups and downs even in a week, sometimes even in a day. I know I'm doing too much, but my theory is that if I'm still able to do it, then why not?

These things being - finishing Uni. All coursework and my dissertation are done. I got ENGAGED (!!!) to the absolute love of my life, and we're actually getting MARRIED in just over SEVEN WEEKS (YAY!!!!). I've just finished updating my CV to get a new job in a new city for moving into a new home in June. All of the newness. There's at least 5 blogposts to be done about all of the above, but we'll get there.

Whilst I have forsaken blogspot for my crazy schedule, the break has done me good. I have still had many thoughts and revelations, and I will share them with you soon. I think the first one will be titled 'Why People Should Stop Saying Everything Happens for a Reason', so, brace yourselves. This is definitely something that's been on my mind especially with Mum's death, but also with how my relationship with to-be-husband has panned out. It's such a throw-away statement which ultimately rejects any kind of responsibility or consequence, and I think it's about time to ditch it. [Rant pending.]

As mentioned, I finished my dissertation. It wasn't that hard. Yep, I said it. It was a big project, very difficult to get my head around the enormity of the subject, but it was really enjoyable, and my tutor was ace. It was on 'Beauty and the Beast', looking at the evolution of the tale from Beaumont's originally popular story in 1756 to the most recent Disney version. It's the best story, and really sums up how our attitudes should be: "You must love something before it is loveable." [Paraphrased G. K. Chesterton]

The title of this post is 'Dread and Delight', and to be honest, they are the themes which have haunted me for the past year. Dreading doing the wrong thing, but ultimately finding delight when I realised that the only thing worth choosing is a relationship with God; and in Him are found an abundance of delights. I could go on and on and on, but right now I have jobs that need applying to.

I'll leave you with that wee update, with a promise to return and indulge you with my tiny wisdoms in the near future.

Lose your life. Go crazy.

   I mentioned in my second Travel Journal entry that we heard Nathan Guy speak at the Harding Lectureship on the topic of a 'Faith That Is Constantly Renewed.'  It was a very good lesson, I know this because I felt inspired to write most of it down, which doesn't always happen. I want to share with you his words, as well as some of those which Chet Duke gave this morning at Freed Hardeman's chapel.

   The Harding lectureship focused on lessons from the book of Joshua, and in his conclusive lesson of the lectureship he made a few bold statements. He told us to "stop reading Joshua as a book of renewal of your own faith" like 'we will go, we will fight, we will succeed...' The book of Joshua tells us of his mission to do God's will in bringing the people to the promised land, a mission which was given to his forefathers which they failed to complete. The book can often be seen as a note of inspiration to those who have fallen away and wish to come back to Him, or who have sinned and wish to repent, or who have been quiet and wish to speak out. But Mr Guy reminds us that 'all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.' (Romans 3:23) He also reminds us that "God doesn't need your help. He commands your death." Speaking of Jesus saying "If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it." Matthew 10:39

   In chapel at Freed this morning Chet Duke spoke about our baptism through Christ and our continuing commitment to Him daily - that's what LOVE is, as I said before in 'How do you know when you're in LOVE', to LOVE someone is to CHOOSE to LOVE them. Every day. Loving when you want to, loving when you need to and loving when you don't even feel like liking. It is a choice. Nathan Guy says "Marriage is just the confession and commitment of love, you'll have to work the hardest after that to keep it together." Chet spoke about those who have already chosen God and have already made that choice to follow Him and he asked - why do we still sin?
   In understanding our human inadequacies often we fail to recognise that Jesus was fully human himself - and He was perfect. So why can't we be? The bar standard can sometimes seem so high that we lower it to make it achievable - but we were called to go through the 'narrow path', (Matthew 7:13), to go a different way. Maybe we don't think we personally deserve the best standards, and we don't. But God does. 
   Nathan Guy quoted Jim McGuiggan when he made the point that some have the attitude of 'I know I've failed you, Father, but don't I repent you magnificently?' Speaking on how sin can be justified through the repentance afterwards. Chet spoke of this also, saying that we have been saved through God's grace, a grace that we don't deserve. "You don't abuse grace," he said, and we shouldn't. He deserves the best and above that, He deserves your sincere best.

   My Dad always told me that it didn't matter what grades I got so long as I did my utmost best. Often this wasn't the case, but if my mark was a B then it was OK because, at least it was good. How often do we feel this way about our lives, and living for God? The answer I think is maybe too often. I feel OK writing this because I know I am a major culprit of this way of thinking - not just in terms of schooling. But I wonder what happened to us to make us think it is OK to give anything less than our best for Him who created us, loves us, and gives us Life. I wonder, indeed.

   Nathan Guy addressed three questions:
Do we speak as though we have something to fall back on apart from Him and Him alone? If we do, we need to check ourselves and realise that He is our only true refuge.
Do we think the plan begins with me and ends with me? It started with God. It'll end with God. We are just a part of the inbetween.
Do we think we need to find a solution to our problem? We are the problem. He is the solution.

Jesus said "If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it." Matthew 10:39
   I know that in everything I have been through, this past year especially, I could not have come this far without Him. In speaking to others I know my Mother passing away really isn't all that bad. Understand what I'm saying - there are people so much worse off than me, and I have needed Him through my trials. I am blessed everyday, every hour I am alive, in Him, I am surrounded by a family who loves, endures, hopes and believes in this life on into the next.

   Lose your life for God. Go on, go crazy.

The city is big but God is bigger.

   Recently I have been filled with excitement thinking of possible ideas for the future and a goal which will require me to save a while lot of money for... I am determined to do it though, and for once in my life I feel so positive and hopeful of an endeavour that I am happy to go over obstacles and to endure the work it will take to achieve. 
   This book (for which this blog was started) is close to my heart, of course, and I am working on it - don't worry. But this is a much clear-cut plan, I feel a rush of independence, freedom and adventure when I ponder on this adventure. 
   What made me laugh at myself was my eagerness to earn said money needed for what I want. My eagerness and happiness to work hard to get it. And I was surprised in feeling this confidence for the fist time ever. What I want is so wonderful to me I will go above and beyond to get it. 
   When there is a goal on the horizon, the work to get there can often seem less daunting than a task with no clear outcome, and more like a brilliant challenge to reach the summit. I am excited to work for this thing I want and know I will love. This got me thinking about our endeavours in life generally. This position is echoed in all sorts of situations - those of love, exotic expeditions, or personal missions. 
   What about the work God has for us as his children? Do we get so excited about that? Do we understand what He has for us to do? Perhaps you do and you can count yourself blessed above so many with clear vision and sound mind, and I pray He continues to bless you in these ways. If you arent so sure - what are you doing to find out? Reading His word is a good way. Talking to others about your talents and opportunities you could take advantage of is good too. Praying about it is useful too, sometimes no answer is an answer. Sometimes we have to jump in and see what comes of it.
   Too often I have thought 'I'm too young', 'I don't have the money', 'I don't have the room' to do this, that or the other that I would like to do to serve Him. But I wonder now - are these just excuses? They certainly are if I use them to reason why I do nothing to serve Him. 
   I am not alien to the struggles which surround my generation, or the ones of those who have come before me - regardless of my age, I have eyes and a fair understanding of how this world works. But I refuse to believe that any of these limitations are anything but opportunities to be creative in our ministry. (Practically: If you work on the weekends, be active during the week. If you struggle with funding, change the way you're planning your project, raise more funds, as for home grown volunteering or try something else simpler.) With this picture > I am not suggesting we all graffiti our streets with scripture, but it is an interesting way of making people think. If you have limited resources, transport or support - ask someone for help. Don't be afraid to ask of others what you would readily give if you could.
   It is often in times of oppression that people are forced to be creative, to achieve their original goal through alternate means - and the result will a breath of fresh air.
   But don't ever fall useless, or disheartened, or weary because you feel unqualified.
'God doesn't call the qualified, he qualifies the called.'*

"For by grace you have been saves through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God." - Ephesians 2:8  

This verse is so wonderful, because it explains our salvation, how God doesn't work on a 'point system' by which you get 8 points for being a preacher and 9 for a missionary - no. It is NOT by our own doing good that we are saved... But this does NOT mean that there is no reason to do good. 
   I have often thought of this verse and reasoned that it's OK I don't go to every Church service through the week, and it's OK I didn't make something for pot luck, and it's OK I 'messed up a bit' the other day. But it's not. Those who have thought similar have probably also, like me, tried to steer clear of verses like:

"If you love me, you will keep my commandments." John 14:15

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." - Galations 6:9

But there is no excuse for not doing good when you know you can. 
   The goal we have to look forward to is heaven. Eternal salvation. If you can't get out of bed for that, then I guess there literally is no hope for you.

   'There is no question whether God's Will will be done. The question is, will you be the one to do it?'*

*(So said a guy from Harding University in chapel the other week - inspiring stuff.)

Dear God, thank you for the purple people.

'I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation.' - Philippians 4:12

   I love this piece of scripture, the extreme situations of poverty and decadence which surround it, showing polarising images explaining that Christians should hold onto God no matter their circumstance, and be willing to accept their situations with thanksgiving to Him who gives all, and to get through struggles with 'Him who gives me strength' [4:13].

   Speaking to a friend briefly online before retiring for the night I sort of misquoted this, describing the night I had had, in a rather jovial fashion. I thought I would share with you the rather strange and uplifting evening I have had, in this short but sweet blog before bed!

   Being at Harding for the Lectureship, my Dad knowing many people his age or older and wanting to reconnect or connect for the first time with other active Christians, one of his friends invited us and a bunch of other 'experienced' folk (some more than others) round his home for some coffee and sweet things. We happily obliged, and in not too long the party was in full swing. Ages from 20 (me) and then between 35 and 70-something were swapping preacher tales and mission fables, hilarious quotes from colourful characters and figuring out common contacts on the ever growing Church family tree.

   Being the youngest in a family so familiar with hosting a wide range of ages, sizes and numbers in Campaign groups, Bible School meetings, family gatherings and Youth Weekends, I grew up being around all sorts of people. It was wonderful. And so useful when it comes to moments like these, which are increasingly frequent, when one has to converse with new people of a different age. It is lovely to get to know the new mothers, older mothers, grandmothers, grandfathers, fathers, preachers, missionaries, elders and all sorts. To see our common love and devotion for God flourish through stories and memories with an undying passion is such an encouragement. I can only hope that when I'm 70-something I'll be running marathons bare foot, have learned ventriloquism, and be able to say I have changed someones life for the better.