If.

   These past few weeks of being home after America and my Birthday have been such a roller coaster. I miss friends in America and Scotland and even those that are closer but haven't yet been able to see. I have renewed some old friendships and made new ones too, and I'm forever grateful for the opportunities God gives me in that. But I find that adjusting to the way Dad does things in the house is a task in itself, and learning how to live together again is a work in progress. Sorting things in the house is a mission, not one I relish in but one that needs done, and eventually maybe we'll get the place looking like Christmastime. 
   Often I wish I had been the one to go, and not Mum. I think she would know what things were and where they were meant to go, what needs kept, who to send Christmas cards to and maybe even know their addresses by heart. In dark times I wonder who I can pour my heart to, who will encourage me, who will tell me everything will be OK, because that used to be Mum. Now, I have close friends, and you. I write words and shoot them out into cyberspace and you read them. I hope they make you think, I pray they are useful to you as they are to me writing them.
   A few of my friends have started blogs recently, Cassidy (infamous on here by now) put this poem on her blog a few days ago and checking up on her posts tonight I read it and felt as though Rudyard was talking to me. 
   I know I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me but it helps to have friends supporting me too, so thank you.

If.   
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’ 

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
’ Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And - which is more - you’ll be a Man, my son!

                                                        — Rudyard Kipling

Remember, remember...

 I am back from my travels with Dad in America! We are safe and soundly back on British ground and even though I was sad to leave, I am happy to be here, and thankful it was a smooth journey. More on that later, though.
   Upon coming into Peterborough I recognised the Showcase Cinema (We need to upgrade to an Odeon...) the Peterborough Cathedral and the race track where Oswald's House won Sports Day when I was Vice-Captain (thought I'd slip that in somewhere!). Memories flooded back to my time here growing up, and although I hadn't been away long - except the two years I spent in Dundee at University - I found I had missed it, and in many ways this is my true home. 
   Memory is an interesting thing as when I stepped out into the brisk, but surprisingly dry, weather I couldn't help but feel that it was Christmas time. After all it was cold, and I was at home. Coming into the house was strange too - everything was more or less as we had left it, I just remember there being less mess... ;]

   Before Mum passed away I had a creeping fear that I would forget her. That I would forget how she was before she became ill some 5 years previous, then forget her laugh, her smile, her subtle Northern Irish accent.. I was afraid that over time, the 19 years I spent with her would fade from recall and become too distant and blurry that she would cease to be a part of my mind, and essentially, cease to be a part of me. 
   A few days ago Britain celebrated what is known as Guy Fawkes Night, or Bonfire Night, where the countries remember 'gunpowder, treason and plot'. We celebrate the capture of Guy Fawkes in 1605 as he was about ready to blow the House of Lords to smithereens with barrels of gunpowder he had meticulously stowed and was guarding before he got the go ahead to light them. We do this by having bonfires, fireworks, sparklers and other things pyromaniacs would be jolly excited about. Today Sunday 11th November is also our country's (And the rest of the Commonwealth's) Armistice Day, or Poppy Day, (or Veteran's Day if you're in America) falling conveniently on the same day as Remembrance Sunday, where we remember the lives and sacrifices many people have made in service to our country. Celebrated since the end of the War To End All Wars, specifically after the signing of the Treaty of Versailles to end WWI - on the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month. At the time 11:11 we hold a minute's silence in respect and reverence.
   As people, we are mortal. We are not meant to last forever, our bodies decay - to the pessimist, every hour we live brings us closer to our last. But this is a fact of life. We celebrate and set apart periods of time to actively ponder upon events or people who have impacted our lives, out of love. It is brilliant to remember these things once a year, to make them special and truly lifted up above all other things on that one day. So celebrate your freedoms, celebrate others who have made your life wonderful, do not be idle and forget those who love you - for in your time of need they will not forget you.

   We remember because it is an act of love - to spare a thought for the one who brings you joy.

"I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers." Ephesians 1:16


   We must remember before it is too late and we forget.

"Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come and the years approach when you will say, 'I find no pleasure in them.'" Ecclesiastes 12:1

    We remember so that we have hope for the future, and a continuous motivation to keep us going.

"But I have said these things to you, that when their hour comes you may remember that I told them to you." John 15:11
"These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full." 16:4
"These things I command you, so that you will love one another." 15:17

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." 16:33

"People will not remember what you say, they may not even remember what you do, but they will remember how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou

Here is a poem based on the rhyme 'Remember, Remember'  which is told to remember Guy Fawkes on November the 5th...

[[
Remember, remember, wee child, your Creator,

Every morn when you awake from your sleep.

For when you closed your weary eyes, you said your goodbyes

To the world, but He graced you and let you to keep.

Remember, remember, my friend, your defender,

In days of sweet joy and lonely pain,

For he created them together - the one and the other,

For purposes unknown until He let it be shown through His plan ultimately in gain.

Remember, remember, dear brother, your redeemer,

When you see the poor man by the way,

Be he poor in his pocket or heart under lock, it

Is surely your duty to share with him the bounty of good news you enjoy every day.

So remember, remember, every time you surrender,

That you are highest when in prostrate to Him;

For He lifts up the weak, richly blesses the meek,

So fear not when you fail, for His LOVE will prevail overall for the ultimate win.
]]

I Am.

I stumbled across this poem last night that I had saved on my computer. I had it written in a 'Stickie' note (Mac users will understand) and it was open so that when I clicked on the program, it came up on my screen. Useful stuff. I read it for the first time in a long time and it made me think, as so often interesting things do. It is a wonderful reminder not to dwell on past mistakes, not to worry about uncertain plans and to just trust Him here and now.

I am
I was regretting the past and fearing the future.
Suddenly, my Lord was speaking:
"My name is I am." He paused.
I waited. He continued,
"When you live in the past
with its mistakes and regrets,
it is hard. I am not there.
My name is not I was.
When you live in the future,
with all it’s problems and fears,
it’s hard. I am not there.
My name is not I will be.
When you live in this moment
it is not hard. I am here
my name is I am."
      - Helen Mallicoat

God is 'I Am', He says in Exodus 3:14 "I am who I Am." he also says "I am with you always, even to the end of the age" Matthew 28:20. God IS. And He is with us. The poem is also about recognising that He is and we are in the present. We cannot change the past and we cannot control the future, but He is ultimately with us through everything. I searched for similar poems titled 'I am' and found one I particularly liked which I changed to suit me specifically. I think sometimes it is good to realise who we are and what we mean to others. It can be too easy to doubt yourself and question your worth or purpose in the world. Looking at how far you've already come can be an encouragement to make you see that you have so much to be thankful for, and that you are already surrounded by people to support you.

   Whoever you are, you are loved. Whatever bad you've done, you can be forgiven. Wherever you're going, there will be support for you. That is all.

   'Wherever you will go' by The Calling - Listen to it.

I am a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, a niece, a cousin, a friend. I am a student, a young girl and a grown woman. I am confident and scared, terrified an excited. I am loving and caring, and thoughtful and hopeful. I am sick and tired. I am shy and friendly, and careful and careless. I am broken and whole. I am hard working and determined but a little scared on the inside. I wish on the stars and dream my dreams. I pray to God and cry my tears. I smile on the outside, while I’m dying inside. I listen to others who won’t listen to me. I walk on eggshells, and I walk amidst the fire. I believe in true love and undying passion. I believe in something better than myself. I believe in You.