If you give a little love you can get a little love of your own.

I haven't blogged in a while and I have had a lot to say - just not the time nor the energy to write it.
   When not working as a Barista:

I travelled to and back from Scotland three times this month and have spend 3/4 Sunday church services with the congregation in East Kilbride. 

I went to London twice this month as well, both times with at least one American contingent, giving them some deep British cultural education and wonderment.

I took a day trip to Cambridge with my American best friend. <3

I surprised one of my best friends for her son's first Birthday party in Dundee.

Co-made an amazing board game for Scott's Dad for Fathers Day.

And I lopped most of my hair off for charity.

So it's been a bit crazy.

But this is June. A wonderful name for a wonderful month. 

   I had promised to let you know how the whole 'hair chopping for Little Princess Trust' thing was going (apologies for not being more informative until now) but it is going and has been going amazingly. I GOT MY HAIR CHOPPED yesterday and I'm still feeling weird about not being able to twirl my locks at waist height but I'm so blessed and encouraged by everyone who has donated and taken part in this journey.
   At a last check I have raised £243.08 and need £350 in total so we're doing pretty well! I am blown away with people's generosity in this and people's kindness in the whole thing. I will be donating 7''-15'' of hair with my layers so that's quite a lot, hopefully some little girl will enjoy some shoulder length curls. I'm excited for her (or him if he's a total little rock star)! 
    If you would still like to be involved please visit https://www.justgiving.com/Rachelle-Boyns and donate what you can. The money is so the wig can be made and any surplus will go towards funding other wigs as well so it'll definitely be used for a good thing. 
 Here's evidence of the chop (and a curly experiment)!

 
Back to some Thoughts of Shelly Marie:

   One thing that has definitely been on my mind throughout the whole month is trust. I am now in a long distance relationship and find that things play on my mind perhaps more than they used to. We are most afraid of what we don't know, I guess. Two of my friends are about to go into long distance relationships as well and they share the same woes with me on this. Whilst it sounds like I'm talking about trust within the realms of fidelity and such I'm more thinking about trust in the sense of agreement. Each of us have essentially agreed to work together for the remainder of the closeness, whether that goes on for the rest of our lives or whether it passes us by. But 'what if...' is always the devil's advocate. What if one day the other person just finds you 'too much' for them to handle?
   I find myself on emotional roller coasters still and I thought I would be more level headed by now (lol). I have a desire to be able to take care of myself because there have been times in these past 21 months when I have felt so alone, so helpless, and I don't ever want to feel that again.
    I just had a conversation with my Dad about me moving back up to Dundee for Term starting back in September. I have nowhere to live at the moment, nor a confirmation of my student finance, nor a job lined up and I can't even access my University online account to check my modules to start prep work for classes. There is so much uncertainty about my return that right now that I get upset daily because it doesn't feel like it's going to happen. But it will. I have at least two months to get it sorted out and I know a lot can happen in two months...
   I've not had the best run with close friends or boyfriends past - it's hard to admit to yourself that the other person just doesn't care enough - and I'm surprised time and time again when my problems turn into hindsight and when my worries are calmed by the guy I'm proud to call mine. I am reminded to count my blessings and am assured that everything will be ok - because I am not alone. In talking to my Dad he reassures me that as a family we leave no one behind, and I know that God is looking out for me too. I'm sure He's going to spring some cool plan on me last minute and I'll wonder why I ever worried in the first place. So trust. It's a lot, but I think if I work at it a whole bunch more things will feel a lot less than they are right now. 
   No one gets left behind, and we are never alone.

Don't worry. Be happy.

   I am a worrier.  I don't know when it started but as far back as I can remember my head has been a blizzard of thoughts, concerns, hopes and anticipation. My worries have ranged from 'what skirt goes with these shoes?' to 'will Mum see my Children?'. Some things are more important than others but I have a logical mind enough to know that if I can not change the outcome, I should not ponder on all the possibilities and drive myself crazy for it, but sometimes I can not help myself...

   We have complicated relationships with so many ways of communicating - we have so many more ways now to be uncommunicative. We have complicated leisure in that there is so much choice we find grief in indecision. The world is your oyster. Anything is possible. 
I worry that I'll take so long choosing many great things to do that I'll only achieve one small something in my life.

It's silly, to spend so much time worrying and miss out on enjoying life for what it is.

   I read something a few minutes ago which really hit home what I have been thinking about over the past year or so. 'Disappointment is inevitable, discouragement is a choice.' 
Plain and simple but not so easy, right?
But what if it is. What if I did count my blessings when things didn't go the way I planned, what would happen if I focused on the good things whilst my worries sorted themselves out when I couldn't control them? 
   - Then I'd say I'd be quite alright. 

   I find it's the simple things that make the biggest difference in my mood. When I'm feeling down, a cup of hot chocolate can perk me up. Somtimes being alone with some colourful processing does the job, other times wearing a pretty dress on a dull day does the trick as well.
   They may sound like trivial things to you, but I'm a little girl at heart who enjoys the little pleasures in life.

A good friend told me not to worry, to be happy, and to let surprises come to me every once in a while. So I think I will. Or at least I'll give it a jolly good try.